Rules are ment to be shattered.

Quiet
my screams
with
your

lips.

Past the borderline of fear...

"She's dead."
"Who?"
"Anna."

My brain stopped and hysteria seeped in.

"No. She can't be."

She had been driving alone through the mountains. They stopped her, they raped her, and they killed her.

They left her in the snow.

I screamed. Tears wouldn't stop, clouding my vision.

My best friend, the one truly positive person in my life. Gone.

I'm hysterical.

No more "Hey gorgeous, I love you." texts in the morning when I wake up...that's what I thought of first.

You think of weird things when your heart is pumping out of your chest.

I held his hand.

He cried and picked up her things.

Put them in a bag.

I woke up in tears.

She's still alive.

I couldn't help thinking that it was a vision.

I'm scared for her.

I called and told her I loved her.

Nightmares...are terrifying.

But what if I'm dreaming now?

What if she really is dead?

The Ice Is Frozen

There was an eerie silence while I walked to my car.
There was no sound, the wind didn't blow.
It was like the whole world was frozen.
A far away crunching noise startled my brain.
A black crow bounced in the white covered grass.
I didn't like it's stare.
"Shoo."
"Fuck you," said it's gaze.
"This is weird," said my brain.
"You're talking to yourself again."
The silence was almost too much to bear, everything sounded muffled and
far away.
I got in my car and turned up the radio.
The world stayed in place.
I didn't want to hear silence anymore.

My brother is a genius and my sister is a beauty.

Sometimes I feel left out.

Made my day...

Anna Vandegriff: I just want you to know how much I love you and that you are an amazing bestfriend/girlfriend!!!!!!!!!!!! smile babygirl we are about to have some freaking FUN! :)

New chai tea colored bangs

Conspiracy

I live on Ruby Terrace
I work at Calaroga Terrace

Someone's trying to get me

I know it.

I'm so sad.
I dropped my beautiful, 30 dollar, bright red tweezers in the sink.
The won't tweeze anymore.
I'm feeling fluffy.

Leaves

The wind ripped the bright yellow leaves from their safe haven of the tree up into the sky. Bright yellew was floating and spinning against a dark cloud background.

It was beautiful. I was in Neverland for a moment.

From my kitchen window I see brown and yellow leaves on the same tree. The battle of good and evil.

I want to curl up in the trees, be inside them and feel the raw power of the wind.

The wind can make the baby leaves on the tree by the balcony dance.

The landscapers are blowing leaves into a big pile and taking them away.

I'm mad. I want the deep red and yellow gold leaves to stay on my porch and cement walkway forever.

I know that they will just mold and turn into muck.

But they are so pretty right now.

Mr. man with the rake...leave them alone.

"The Lovely Bones"

"what I remember most is watching things hit my mother while I looked at her, how the life she had wanted and the loss of it reached her in waves. As her firstborn, I thought it was me who took away all those dreams of what she had wanted to be."

Sorry mama.

fantasy: i want what every dutiful california girl wants, some land in the middle of nowhere and a good ol boy. one with calloused hands, who smokes cigarettes, is covered in shitty tattoos, wears work boots and dirty tee shirts, loves buck owens, isnt afraid of manual labor, reads more than he watches TV, and preferably has grimy facial hair. basically he needs to be a 2nd amendment quoting, whiskey pounding, red blooded American heartbreaking son of a bitch who will give any cowboy legend a run for its money and make me regret the day we met.

I makes me really sad to think of you with another girl.

I never brought up my boyfriends here because I didn't want to make you sad.

You don't seem to have a problem talking about her.

I don't want to hear about it.

It makes me sad

and pissed

off

and like I wana vomit.

On her.

I was trying to fill a void with them....they didn't matter.

Maybe you are trying to do the same?

Don't rub it in my face.

It just makes me hate you.

And in a sick

twisted way

I know I can get you back

if I want to.

Easily.

So easily.

I always get what I want in the end.

I loved you

I miss you

I don't know if I want you back because it's you

or because it's the idea of you.

But I'll tell you right now.




She's got nothing on me.

Feist-When I was a young girl

When I was a young girl I used to see pleasure
When I was a young girl I used to drink ale
Out of the ale house, down into the jail house
My body salve-aided and hell is my doom

Come mama come papa and sit you down by me
Come sit you down by me and pity my case
My poor head is aching my sad heart is breaking
My body salve-aided and hell is my doom

Please send for the preacher to come and pray for me
And send for the doctor to heal all my wounds
My poor head is aching my sad heart is breaking
My body salve-aided and I'm bound to die

One morning, one morning, one morning in May,
I saw this young lady all wrapped in white linnen
All wrapped in white linnen
and called out "the plague"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yb2w946R16Q

Little Runt.

Please dont let it pop.

Sometimes I feel like this is my life.

I have so many thoughts running through my head.
I have nobody that inspires me.
I'm tired of the drama, and the rudeness, and the pettiness.

I want a cigarette.

I want to be back where I was safe and unhappy. I'm unhappy no matter what, so I'd rather be in a place where I felt safe.
I feel like I'm detramental to my own health.
Lots of old bad habits are resurfacing.

I hate the fucking losers I surround myself with.
I need to regroup and think about the pros and the cons.
Life is utter shit right now
and I don't dig it.

FUCK

What the flying fuck have I done.
I've made so many mistakes but this really takes the cake.
And the worst part is that it took this long to realize.
I hate myself.
I'm stupid.
I need to fix this.

I haven't seen the ocean in five and a half months.
I am not okay.

Samson

Also by Regina Spektor

You are my sweetest downfall
I loved you first, I loved you first
Beneath the sheets of paper lies my truth
I have to go, I have to go
Your hair was long when we first met

Samson went back to bed
Not much hair left on his head
He ate a slice of wonder bread and went right back to bed
And history books forgot about us and the bible didn't mention us
And the bible didn't mention us, not even once

You are my sweetest downfall
I loved you first, I loved you first
Beneath the stars came fallin' on our heads
But they're just old light, they're just old light
Your hair was long when we first met

Samson came to my bed
Told me that my hair was red
Told me I was beautiful and came into my bed
Oh I cut his hair myself one night
A pair of dull scissors in the yellow light
And he told me that I'd done alright
And kissed me 'til the mornin' light, the mornin' light
And he kissed me 'til the mornin' light

Samson went back to bed
Not much hair left on his head
Ate a slice of wonderbread and went right back to bed
Oh, we couldn't bring the columns down
Yeah we couldn't destroy a single one
And history books forgot about us
And the bible didn't mention us, not even once

You are my sweetest downfall
I loved you first
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p62rfWxs6a8&ob=av2e

Hotel Song

Come in, come in
Come into my world I've got to show
Show show you
Come into my bed
I've got to know
Know know you

I have dreams of orca whales and owls
But I wake up in fear
You will never be my
You will never be my fool
Will never be my fool

Floaters in my eyes
Wake up in an hotel room
Cigarettes and lies
I am a child, it's too soon

I have dreams of orca whales and owls
But I wake up in fear
You will never be my
You will never be my fool
Will never be my fool

A little bag of cocaine
A little bag of cocaine
So who's the girl wearing my dress
I figured out her number
Inside a paper napkin
But I don't know her address I wade downstairs

The porter smiles to me a smile
I've bought
With a couple of gold coins
A sign that I've been caught

I have dreams of orca whales and owls
But I wake up in fear
You will never be my
You will never be my dear
Will never be my dear, dear friend
Dear dear friend, dear dear friend...

A little bag of cocaine
A little bag of cocaine
So who's the girl wearing my dress
I figured out her number
Inside a paper napkin
But I don't know her address

Come in, come in
Come into my world I've got to show
Show show you
Come into my bed
I've got to know
Know know you

I have dreams of orca whales and owls
But I wake up in fear
You will never be my
You will never be my dear
Will never be my dear, dear friend
Dear dear friend, dear dear friend...



By Regina Spektor
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UUf4-x0mQmE

I wish he would sing to me....

The rain, it started tapping on the window near my bed. There was a loophole in my dreaming,
so I got out of it. And to my surprise my eyes were wide and already open.
Just my nightstand and my dresser where those nightmares had just been.
So I dressed myself and left then, out into the gray streets.
But everything seemed different and completely new to me.
The sky, the trees, houses, buildings, even my own body.
And each person I encountered, I couldn't wait to meet.
I came upon a doctor who appeared in quite poor health.
I said  there is nothing I can do for you
you can't do for yourself."
He said "Oh yes you can. Just hold my hand. I think that would help."
So I sat with him a while and then I asked him how he felt.
He said, "I think I'm cured. No, in fact, I'm sure.
Thank you Stranger, for your therapeutic smile."
So that is how I learned the lesson that everyone is alone.
And your eyes must do some raining if you are ever going to grow.
But when crying don't help and you can't compose yourself.
It is best to compose a poem, an honest verse of longing or simple song of hope.
That is why I'm singing...
Baby don't worry cause now I got your back. And every time you feel like crying,
I'm gonna try and make you laugh. And if I can't, if it just hurts too bad,
then we will wait for it to pass and I will keep you company
through those days so long and black.
And we'll keep working on the problem we know we'll never solve
Of Love's uneven remainders, our lives are fractions of a whole.
But if the world could remain within a frame like a painting on a wall.
Then I think we would see the beauty.
Then we would stand staring in awe at our still lives posed like a bowl of oranges,
like a story told by the fault lines and the soil.
I <3 Bright Eyes "Bowl of Oranges"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PADNByfFKD8

I understand, therefore I am: A Pisces Girl

Pisces is the most considerate and compassionate sign out of all the signs of the zodiac. In keeping with those qualities, the Pisces woman is the one who is most willing and able to listen to other people’s problems and, who will offer endless support and comfort.

The Pisces woman’s emotional openness can also become her greatest challenge since the fish swims within the oceans and seas being areas of wide expanses and limitless depths.

The Pisces girl can swim about in an endless sea of emotions with no shore in sight and, as result, can end up absorbing so much emotional energy from her environment that she can become drained of vitality, causing her to withdraw into herself in the manner of a self-imposed exile of solitude.

This is the most mystical of the signs and the Pisces girl is aware that there is an invisible world; as result she can often feel overly burdened by the restrictions and responsibilities of the practical realities of the life in which she lives.

It is not uncommon for some Pisces women to endeavour to overcome the pressures of everyday life through forms of addiction. These girls can be related to the Fish that swim downstream.

The alternative, are the Fish who swim upstream, represented by those Pisces girls who take a path in life that brings them consciously into contact with their deep spiritual nature. 

Her scathing tongue will become loose once in a while only. In case you have found the opposite characteristics profile in a Piscean woman, chances are that she suffered extremely harsh treatment at a very young age and the bitterness will be a result of that trauma only. She has certain subtleness around her and may also become a little deceptive at times. She is not mean; it's just that she feels like keeping certain things to herself only.

Then, the deceptiveness also helps her in keeping you interested in her. A Pisces female is very sentimental and even slightly harsh words can cause her to cry hours at end. You can easily imagine what will happen when you really hurt her feelings. She may imagine herself to totally worthless and incapable of the fighting spirit to survive. Then, you will have to assure her that she is appreciated for her great wisdom, empathy and vast understanding. You know that whatever you are saying is true; it's just a matter of convincing her about the same.

You will have to remove her doubts about herself or she may become too closeted in self-defense. A Pisces girl is very shy, emotional and vulnerable. To protect her susceptibility, she often wears a cloak of wittiness, frigidity and independence. She is afraid of exposing her true self, lest people hurt her in the process. She is a true romantic and secretly yearns for a person who will love her, cuddle her, hug her and make her feel loved and protected.

 A Pisces woman nags just like all the other women and she has a bad temper too. In her fury, she can turn bitterly sarcastic.

Me almost to a T.

All Saints Day.

Sometimes you gotta pray to somebody....even if you believe that they aren't really there...

Saint Zita of Lucca-patron saint of domestic workers.
Saint Maximilian Mary Kolbe-patron saint of addicts.
Saint Monica-patron saint of alcoholics.
Saint Anthony of Padua-patron saint of lost items.
Saint David of Wales-patron saint of Wales.
Saint Christopher-patron saint of travel.

Today is a pissed off kinda day...

You think you're a big man yelling at me over the phone?
You are fucking precious.
You think you can get the last word in, the last laugh?
You don't know me very well then.
I want to hit somebody
and make them bleed.
I like confrontation today.
So please

come up and fucking
say something.
It'll make my day.