I dreamed you

I dreamed about you last night
You were kissing me in front of your mother
Like you didn't care
You were still slightly mad at me
But we were on our way to becoming better
Then I woke up
And I was really
Really
Sad

Shards of wanting...

I want to be covered in tattoos and shards of glass.
I want to be deeply tanned and lay in the sun all day.
I want to have money for traveling and new piercings that make a popping noise when they go through your skin.
I want to live in a beautiful apartment overlooking something mind-blowing.
I want to be inspired all the time and take amazing photographs.
I want beer and rum to be cheap.

But all this doesn't matter, beacause what I really want is him.

I want you, handsome man.

But I am just a silly princess brat with silly sparkly dreams.

Wanting something doesn't mean you should get it.

Mind seizures.

I'm trying my hardest not not freak out and run over there at the speed of light.
Because if I see him with her, it will be the end of me.
I want so badly to make this better.
But I can't because he won't call me back.
I've been on the brink of tears all day.
I need to speak with him and see him.
Please god.
Let this turn out.
I know I made some serious, huge, unforgivable mistakes.
But I realize this and I want to make it better.
I am not easy to handle.
I know this.
Men don't know what to do with me.
And I purposefully push people away so I can see who stays for real.
He did.
And not only did he put up with all my shit, he loved me for exactly who I am.
I don't think I'll find that again.
Please let this work out, I'm going to fight for this.
I don't think I've scared him off for real.
Maybe I still have a chance.

Christmas 2010

My sister got a "promise" ring from her boyfriend.
It's a real diamond.
This time last year I actually had a boyfriend.
I can say that I'm slightly jealous and resentful.
I asked him to call me today if he could.
He did.
I don't think he would have if I hadn't asked.
He called from work.
I was happy to hear his voice.
I was sad that we have fallen so far.
I saw him at a party the other night.
I was torn between feeling overwhelmingly sick and sad and compleately nonchalant.
I think I was only okay because Justin was there with me.
This day is full of good memories that make me very sad.
Thus they turn into sad memories.
Please let the new year be better.
My heart can't stand anymore heartbreak.

Broken is a good word for right now.

I feel broken
I did this to myself though
I'm a hypocritical princess brat
And I should have seen this coming
What did I think?
That I could go off and do whatever I wanted and it wouldn't come back around?
He's moved on
I haven't
And that's silly and sad and pathetic
I wonder what's she's like
I feel like crying and dying
In a little ball under my bed
I want to stay in bed forever and never face this again
My heart just shattered
But now I know how it feels
Feels horrible
I did this to myself
But I still feel like I'll never recover from this
I'm a sad princess brat and Prince Charming will never come back again because I was a
C U N T
Go me.

What I Am And What I Do.

Makes a boy wana bite his lip
So young and wasted, I can almost taste it
Beautiful but obsessed with gloom
Bleached
Bones so fair
Glamour is a rocky road
The devil does drugs
It's just the beasts that live under your bed
These legs don't run
Can your bunny do the dog?
Punk candy
Ginger Snapzz
Untamed
Girl ain't nothing but trouble
Rainy day pudding
A fair witch project
Love my bones
My facade is just a cake
Fourteen french summers
Lost my heart to a starship trooper
Pumpkin peach pie fuzz
Hell raiser, star chaser
Miss unamerican
A cupcake, a milkshake, a cool whip
Peachster
Heart of chrome

Waking up for breakfast
Burning matches
Talking quickly
Breaking baubles
Throwing garbage
Drinking soda
Looking happy
Taking pictures
So completely stupid
Just go away

There's no home for you here girl, go away