Mind seizures.

I'm trying my hardest not not freak out and run over there at the speed of light.
Because if I see him with her, it will be the end of me.
I want so badly to make this better.
But I can't because he won't call me back.
I've been on the brink of tears all day.
I need to speak with him and see him.
Please god.
Let this turn out.
I know I made some serious, huge, unforgivable mistakes.
But I realize this and I want to make it better.
I am not easy to handle.
I know this.
Men don't know what to do with me.
And I purposefully push people away so I can see who stays for real.
He did.
And not only did he put up with all my shit, he loved me for exactly who I am.
I don't think I'll find that again.
Please let this work out, I'm going to fight for this.
I don't think I've scared him off for real.
Maybe I still have a chance.