I will follow you into the dark

I don't remember what it's like for you to really hug me.
I don't remember what it's like to sit at a restaurant or in a movie or a friend's house and you put your arm around me.
I don't remember what putting my hand on your leg felt like.
I don't remember what waking up next to you is like.
I don't remember you letting me take the first showers, but you did.
I don't remember yelling at you and you letting me yell, but you did.
I don't remember getting rediculously drunk with you and sharing secrets and dreams.
I don't remember what it's like to listen to music way too loud, or drive way too fast with you.
I don't remember what make up sex is like with you.
I don't remember when you used to kiss me on my forehead and pull me to you when I was sad.
I don't remember when you used to wipe away my tears.
I don't remember when you used to make me laugh so hard, I'd cry.
I don't remember what getting so furious at you is like.
I don't remember when people said I was beautiful and you would say that you were the luckiest guy in the world.
I don't remember how your kisses used to take my breath away and make me see fireworks behind my eyes.
I don't remember loving you.


But in truth, I remember all of this. And I would still follow you into the dark and I would wait there for you if I went first. I know it cannot be anymore.

But I still miss you.